Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Other Prodigal Son


The Other Prodigal Son

Luke 15:28

My life would be an almost perfect picture of the obedient son. When people come and share their lives with me as they often do, some of them say, “it’s now your turn” and I look at them glumly. Granted, from my exterior expressions and perhaps the “legend” that has grown around who I am one would think my past is filled with many a tale of reckless adventure, wanton enjoyment and hedonistic pursuits of every kind.

Like the sad realisation that a movie trailer was more exciting than the movie itself, I have nothing to offer in way of exciting life stories. I never drank or clubbed or did any of the things that rebellious teenager do. I was not one to fool around with girls. I was too shy and many times occupied with all my books and fantasies.

Past teenage years was the post puberty/campus scene where you had the freedom to do as you please for as long as the term persisted. This stage was supposed to be defined by multiply sexual conquest for those that may have not started in high school. This was not the case. My whole three years in university and only 3 girls visited my room.

Come work and even there I was as docile as a blind rabbit…or even more. 9 months in a foreign country, the longest I had been away from home, did not produce any wonders either except the challenges of a growing man striving to please God.

All this time I was absolutely straight as an arrow could be. Was a leader in church, tried to live responsibly and do all that good church boys do ad infinitum.

My only major quirks were my long hair, dirty baggy jeans and rather uproarious laughter couple with all the traits of a sanguine-choleric personality. Nothing to world changing I would say.

Fast forward a little and I am in my early “adulthood”. I have worked a couple of jobs, quit one and labour through the other. I have developed both as a person, a writer, an artiste and more. I have even made the transition into full time ministry, the holy grail of service to God in the church. From what people say I shall be joining the ordained ministry soon or at least eventually. I am the “PERFECT CANDIDATE”. God help the church.

But deep down I feel like the other prodigal son.  I feel unappreciated and unaccomplished. I feel like Jeremiah who cried, “I have been deceived and greatly deceived”. Like Job I feel like I have toiled in vain. Like Ezekiel I feel frustrated and like Jeremiah again I feel like my words from the Lord bring me nothing but grief. This prodigal son feels so unappreciated…isn’t there some good to be reaped from walking the straight and narrow this side of heaven.

I read the story of the prodigal son again today and I even looked through some commentaries. There is all this jazz about him representing the Pharisee and that is well but I am not a Pharisee both physically and metaphorically. I am at “good” boy feeling low, low, low. I want my calf to share with my friends or at least some respite from this burden of being un-accomplished. Ah??

I view this story from a totally human perspective, or real perspective and I see where the brother is coming from. We do not see his response after what the dad says but I suspect his answer would have been something like even so I still feel this way.