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| Ohn Tuk Gore: Chief environmental expert |
If the evolutionists can be believed we
have clawed our way from primordial soup slowly adapting to the environment
until voilà we have developed into these bipeds with developed brains and an insatiable
desire for drink and illicit sex.
This journey of a thousand miles was began
on one fateful day of boredom when some life forms figured, “hell we can’t just
sit here all our lives” and began swimming, swimming, swimming till they came to the edge of their
world and from there they just kept swimming. These energetic little buggers
then reached terra firma where they spent a few gasping moments by the beach
staring at the sun…or whatever it is that illuminated their world. Their little
fish gill…wait their little life form breathing apparatus slowly, over the course
of a day or so, evolved into complex air breathing apparatus.
One fellow called Johnny looked at his
friends and quite bored, again, and parched said to his companions, “Let’s keep
walking”. This fishy thing came to be known as John the walker and was the
first in the line of many John Walkers who, driven by their primordial thirst
first developed a really tough drink later known as Johnnie’s Walker later
named Johnnie Walker which was ironic because the later really did not make
anybody walk but fall flat on their face. It still does many years later.
But I digress, back to the walking, which
must have been difficult really because it was a foreign world and the concept
rather new, mind boggling even. Anyway with each little…hmmmm….walking
apparatus they then…ambled forward…which was rather excruciating I must say but
endure they did and somewhere down the road their fragile little fins got the
hang of it and soon they were running along as far away from their watery world
as their little fins could carry them.
Over several miles and generations this primordial
horde was becoming too large. Along the way they had developed into quite the
race with such advanced technology that their watery counterparts were most of
the time blown away.
It was this rapid promulgation of the
species that caused the various little creatures, which in all honesty were not
so little anymore and looked nothing like their ancestors, to hit the top and
ricochet into various directions hence becoming the seeds of the various
nations. Ma-Ah Semba-Tya a little lively fellow known for his love of lying in
the sun too long wished to find warmer climes and hence veered off to what was
later known as Africa. He just wanted to get away and the warmer it was the
better. He was quite hard to miss seeing as he had become darker from all that
lying in the sun business, or was it the gods that cursed him. No one really
knows.
By the way G.O.D. was a concept developed
by the various evolvers to explain things they could not explain. It later
developed into a multi million dollar industry but was inknown to its many proponents
hurtling to its destruction as the hands of science millennia later. They did
not know this back then but it was…seriously.
Any way James got carried away by a cyclone
and was deposited on a small section of coast that years laters, for reason
really not known to him, was jerked from the rest of where he used to be. One
moment he woke up and he found himself all stranded on an island that weirdly
enough came to be known as England. This was particularly weird becaue ENG was
normally used to express atmost shock. So when he woke up early that morning
and looked out his window all James could cry was ,”Ennng”. His neighbours
heard him and called it Ennng-Land.
A couple other veered off and settled in
what was later to become Canada and USA. I shall skip over this section because
they have quite the garish grooming methods. Their barbers miss the mark
altogether and many people end up with the most horrid bold spots ever seen.
A few others headed of in this way and
that, each adapting along the way and developing some astounding abilities.
There are those who were known for copying other peoples stuff, and still
others known for high end tech stuff. Some just become good at making other
peoples stuff cheaper and faster and not always better. There are too many to
note down here but walk down to any decent library and there a many a book to
explain this stuff to you.
All the while these guys kept walking and
once they got tired of that they developed other ways to move about with each
new one becoming faster and faster and faster. When they got tired of writing
letters which took month to reach anywhere they turned their attention to that
and broke many a milestone in that area. When that become boring they turned to
the stars. Now that is where the trouble started.
Let me interject here and insert a bit of history.
During all this helter-skelter run to get away from the boredom of their ancestors’
lives to deal with their boredom they started something called the industrial
revolution. This really got things going because they came up with machines to
do everything and soon people, tired of farming went to work in factories which
took produce and made stuff out of it like it took cows and made ice cream and
cheese and stuff. All you needed to do was throw a cow in at one end and with
the touch a burton and the turn of a dial you got some pretty amazing stuff out
the other end.
But this method of doing things was really
thirsty. Because it was so first it required millions and millions of “raw
materials” to make stuff. This meant that the earth had to produce more and
more and well mother nature could not keep up.
This then brings me back to the starts and
the earth and that horticulture I was talking about. Unknown to the humans,
that is what they called themselves, there was another race that has taken this
journey before them and it had been watching them for a while.
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Alien aka Aliano. They get really brownish reddish
when they are mad. |
This race was so much more advanced with a
penchant for green living. It was not pleased at this and eventually sent some
expeditions to earth to assess the damage. These expeditions were funded by the
Unilateral Life Form Regenerations and Sustainability Association which was then
shortened to Unilateral Life Form Organisation also known as UFO for short. Any
way couple of them were sent out and each of them came back saying the same
thing which was that we had made a mess of things and a couple even said they
got a glimpse of the very primitive life forms there.
Any who there were so cross at what we had
done with the world that they sent out probes which were stuck peoples bottoms
to try and deal with green house gasses and when that did not work they just
sent ‘Noah’s Ark’ probes that collected a male and female pair of every species
on the earth . They then sent one of their chaps to inform us of the eviction
notice they were giving and ideally ‘poof’ was supposed to be the next thing on
the agenda.
Well we all survived this with promises to
do better. Its was really a big deal back then. It was recently made into a
movie. You might have seen it. The threat of eviction still stands though but
has hat to be enforced.
Besides by that time I am sure we would have
eaten our selves out of health and home and they will not have to do anything
about it may be except just some ploughing, bush fallowing and replanting of
stuff and then they can send back all our kidnapped species and set the ball in
motion all over again.
I sure hope johnnie boy does make it out as
well cause his liquor is mind boggling to say the least.
