I guess it’s that time of the
year where I take stock of the year that has passed and perhaps say one or two
inspirational things…perhaps.
Two people stand out as I set my
other foot into the door of the 30plus club. The first is Cynthia Ayeza.
Anybody who knows her will perhaps not be surprised. She was once a total
stranger I met through another friend. She runs one of the best on line sites
with African stories by African writers but more than that is the sheer light
she seems to exude. She is happy by choice and I think that is what stands out
the most for me. We have shared some deeply personal stories off the bat and that
too has been a salve to this pained soul. Cynthia I can’t thank you enough but
know that while the cynic in me may sometimes roll his eyes at your optimism
for life, another part of me is grateful and I hope and hope and pray that
nothing ever changes that about you. Thank you.
The other person, who I believe
featured in my previous thank you piece is Edith. She will not read this
because she abandoned social media hehe. But I guess when you are in the dark
sometimes having someone there with you makes all the difference. We have stood
back to back against our own demons and have helped each other through the dark
time. I suck at all the mushy stuff but never doubt that I love you…I would
behead superman for you.
Martin my partner in crime and
righteousness. God never allows us to walk alone and even though he is always
with us he knows the importance of a human companion. This year you have given
me more laughs than I care to count, shared debates with me and have kept up
with all my irritating habits. We might have started at the bottom but we are
getting there…and remember the stuff you promised for my birthday…I shall be
collecting.
A lot of the people I have met
this year have just been the best and most simply for being whom there are and
simply being a present friend. I know I have morphed into a silent brooding old
man lately but you are a big part of my life.
On mental health
The other big part of this year
has been my continued struggle with depression. Yes I know, I don’t seem like
that usual candidate. But I guess everything and everyone has a breaking point.
But while I could spin a sop story of how hard it is to live through dark days
at noon and feelings so crushing you can’t get out of bed I would like to speak
to anyone who has been through this whether it be a “mild case” or a much
deeper struggle, you are not alone nor are you a lost cause. We (those
struggling with depression) are much stronger than we give ourselves credit
for. We might be rarely understood but I guarantee you the world needs our
gifts, talents and lives. Hang in there, keep taking those meds and let’s live.
PS feel free to message me and let’s have a chat. You are not alone.
To all the other, depression is
not a demon, a feeling or a fad. We “don’t do it” because it cool or because we
want attention. The causes and the symptoms are as varied as those that suffer
from it. What we need most is to be treated like normal people….irony I know…but
being treated like with kid gloves, whispers and God knows what else does not
help the recovery situation. It’s a very real struggle, more for some, less for
others but a struggle none the less. You love, care and support goes a long
way.
On Faith
This has been a big part of my
life but I am done with church. Now before you get all hot in the collar keep
reading. Recently someone asked me why I have become “so bad” and I jokingly
said four years working in a church. There is still so much pain and bitterness
attached to that period in my life and I fear I shall be dealing with the
consequences for some time to come but deal with it I will.
I still believe faith is central
to life…but not the concept of church as it’s practiced today. I have joked
that church needs to be banned or burned, whichever comes church, in favour of
home churches or at least smaller community based churches. I find that smaller
units of faiths, sharing everyday life are a much riper place for growth and
revival. Think of only going to cell (for those churches that do cell) or those
room fellowships for the next year instead of the mega church services? I think
it would awesome.
So if you do not see me for the
more traditional church events don’t get worried, just pray and if you should
gather the courage approach me and let’s have a conversation. If this for some
reasons means we cannot be friends, it will be sad but I guess we each must
walk our paths.
On Change
Everything changes and not always for the best. But such is life. I am learning to give the boat a little rope so that it rocks a little as the storms of life rock it in the habor and some times the the midst of the storms, i take down my sails and just go with the flow till clear skies hit and i can finally steer my life in what i believe to be the right direction. I am not who i should be nor who i used to be...but i can assure you i am all kinds of me.
