Why bother with people at all. They are fickle,
unreliable and God knows what else is amiss in their heads.
They are evil. Brainless or brain dead, at
least that is what it seems to me. I have searched my heart and can find no
reason to be bothered.
The last few months have been like some sort of
weird emotional rollercoaster and for a proud unfeeling choleric that has so
totally been….well hectic to say the least.
For the last few years I have heard the mantra,
“be more sensitive, be nice, be gentle and be vulnerable.’’ And like a dinosaur
peeling of their scales I listened and started the painful process. It was not
funny. It was not nice and there were no pink fluffy bunnies to tell me how
well I was doing.
In the name of being more open and human I peeled
back layer after layer of myself even delving into the deep dark places of my
heart to find out the true root of this or that habit, view point or opinion
and this most times was like walking down memory lane in a bad dream.
It was mining for gold and unearthing a deep,
dark ancient terror that just engulf you totally.
I fought this off and still continue to fight
it off, all the while to be good at this sensitive nice guy stuff but it seems I
was hoodwinked. I had the wool pulled over my eyes. I was out played, out manoeuvred
and sucker punched for the moment the last piece of armour fell, the first
arrow hit home.
Remember that roller coaster I mentioned, well
that turned out to be the introduction. Now comes the hurt, betrayal and utter,
total confusion. I don’t even know if I can type it all out but let’s just say I
wonder why I bother with human beings. They have the scruples of pirates and
worse manners that a jacked up hound (whatever that means.)
They ask for honesty with their mouths but in
their hearts they say, ‘’tell me the truth…as long as it does not hurt,
embarrass, offend me etc.’’ which is just jacked up if you ask me. Church people are the worst because they all
put on a façade. It's like going to a masquerade ball knowing that an assassin is
out to get you, the masks just adding to the macabre set up for the final
showdown.
So my closest friend(s) threw me out, or froze
up or just could not keep up. My job, which is with xtians just sacks with back
biting and God, knows what else. They lift up hands and breed evil hearts. They
say the most wicked things and then turn around and make you feel unholy for
being holy. Yeah I know that’s just screwed up.
I just don’t see any reason to bother with
humans beings.
Well probably except one, the only thing that
makes me fight through clouds of depression, waves of anger, tremors of shock
and disbelief and mind numbing throat chocking hopelessness…GOD SAYS SO.
I don’t know why I bother with people. But
daddy does it and so I guess I shall too.
Other random thoughts.
And Elijah was afraid and ran for his life.
Remove and Simplify.
I need to learn how to cook great chicken…I hear
it shall come in handy.
What do you think God was thinking when he made Hippopotamuses.
