Monday, February 27, 2012

What does it mean to be a MAN?


From moral weakness, from hesitation,
from fear of men and dread of responsibility;
Strengthen us with courage to speak the truth in love and self-control;
And alike from the weakness of hasty violence
and from the weakness of moral cowardice:
SAVE US AND HELP US, O LORD

From weakness of judgment,
from the indecision that can make no choice
and from the irresolution that carries no choice into act;
Strengthen our eye to see
and our will to choose the right;
And from losing opportunities to serve you,
and from perplexing ourselves and others with uncertainties:
SAVE US AND HELP US, O LORD

These are the opening lines to what is known as the Southwell Litany of Prayer. It was originally written for Priest but it has come to embody a lot of virtues needed by men but sadly lacking in many of them.

What is true manhood? There are many definitions. Responsibility is one of them. I life we can only make decisions based on what we know at the time. Sometimes these decisions are wrong. That is normal and to err is human. But what you do after that reveals your true calibre and virtue.

Two of my favourite lines from the above litany are, from fear of men and dread of responsibility… and from the weakness of moral cowardice:” how much more true is this for our day. How many of us men esteem the views of others more highly than that of the truth or even choose their approval over doing right. That in itself to me is moral cowardice spoken of in the next couple of lines.

I cannot stress how important it is for men in this city to stand up for what is right but also to stand up for what they have done and ‘man-up’. How many single mothers struggle under the burden they have been left with? How many men risk their lives and that of their spouses with wanton sex and multiple partners? How many men damage lives irrevocable through careless words, verbal and sexual abuse and even more men stand by and do nothing fearing men and cowering in the corner like cowards.

Let me stop here and say that the thought of getting your lights punched out trying to stop a domestic disturbance is not much encouragement even for me but responsibility and a pair of balls is what makes you walk out into the dark to stop a couple that is fighting. I did it once, it terrified me but I dialled the confrontation down enough for the couple in questions so it would not turn violent. And I am sure that woman was grateful. I never met her before and never seen her since.

I tried to stand up for what was right and that night, light shone in the darkness albeit briefly.

Another of my favourite lines is, “from the indecision that can make no choice and from the irresolution that carries no choice into act” I am sure so many woman would appreciate this. Indecision is one of the greatest flaws a man can demonstrate. When travelling with friends in a car, its not the speeding  driver that I am afraid of but the indecisive one, because in a split second you need someone with their head screwed on straight and their reflexes  tuned and in sync with the noggin.
Indecisive people scare me. But that not bad. What bad is when a decision is made and never enforced. Those guys just make me mad. They are worse than indecisive men. They demonstrate a spinelessness that would make a work look stiff.

No one is asking for perfection, no, all we want is direction, leadership and a willingness to give it a short. It’s amazing too that the greatest demonstration, in the Bible, of wisdom had to do with making a decision and greatest request was for wisdom. That aide’s decision making right?

But the secret to this entire lie in the paragraphs and lines before the lines I have quoted. There needs to be a functioning moral compass. An Idea of what is right and what is wrong. What side is up and which side is upside down. For that a man needs to be humble enough to learn, seek wisdom and be taught.

Weakness of judgement must be exercised away and a yardstick found. Without a proper power of judgment there can be non-taken. This comes in with experience and more daring or willingness to give things a shot. It’s all tied together.

Makes a decision based on what you know and if you are wrong, be gracious enough to take responsibility and made amends.


re·spon·si·bil·i·ty

noun /riˌspänsəˈbilətē/ 

responsibilities, plural

  1. The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone

    1. The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something

    1. The opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization

    1. A thing that one is required to do as part of a job, role, or legal obligation

    1. A moral obligation to behave correctly toward or in respect of